Taking Ownership Doesn’t Mean Carrying Everything: A Note for the Recovering Perfectionist

Eva Manole
Jul 21
2 min read

Let’s start here: Taking ownership is not the same as taking everything on.

Somewhere along the line, high-functioning people—especially recovering perfectionists—decided that "ownership" meant total control, total responsibility, total absorption of every moving part.

Ownership isn’t a binary. It’s a scale. And if you only know how to operate at 100% or 0%, you're not owning your work—you’re either hoarding it or avoiding it. This is about sustainability, strategy, and leadership that actually scales.

The Lie Perfectionism Tells You

Ownership = "I do it all."

“I catch the dropped balls, I edit the doc at 2AM, I anticipate every stakeholder objection before it’s voiced, and I make sure the Slack thread doesn't turn into a dumpster fire.”

Sounds noble. Looks committed.But what it really signals is this: I don’t trust anyone else to do it right. Not even myself, unless I suffer a little in the process. That’s not ownership. That’s fear in a power suit.

What Ownership Actually Is

Ownership means:

You define the outcome.
You stay accountable to the impact.
You lead through ambiguity.
You name what’s broken and move it forward.

It does not mean:

You say yes to everything.
You fix what’s not yours.
You absorb every failure like it’s a character flaw.
You sprint at 110% while everyone else jogs.

True ownership requires discernment, not just dedication.

Think of Ownership Like a Volume Dial

Some situations require you to crank the dial to 10.High-stakes launch? New strategic project? Major cultural shift? Sure—go all in.

But other moments? A well-placed 6.5 will do.Delegate. Escalate. Let someone else own their lane.

When you treat ownership like an all-or-nothing switch, you’re not being a hero. You’re building resentment, dependence, and burnout—yours and everyone else’s.

The 3 Questions That Help You Right-Size Ownership

If you’re stuck in the perfectionist pattern, try this:

What’s the actual outcome I’m responsible for?→ Not the noise. Not the emotional labor. The outcome.
What would full ownership look like here—and what’s enough?→ Not ideal. Enough.
Where am I taking responsibility for things I don’t control?→ Your boss’s indecision? A teammate’s half-baked work? The team’s collective energy on a bad day? Not yours.

And Let’s Be Honest…

If you’re someone who’s always gone above and beyond, you’ve probably gotten rewarded for over-owning.But at a certain level—especially if you’re leading leaders—it stops being a strength. You don’t scale by owning more.You scale by being precise about what you own, why it matters, and what you’re willing to let go of so your energy stays on the highest-leverage problems. That’s not slacking. That’s senior leadership.

Bottom Line: Ownership isn’t about martyrdom.It’s not about optics.It’s not about getting the gold star for holding the most weight. It’s about clarity, calibration, and consistency.

If you want to operate like a founder, a senior leader, or a true operator—you need to learn to dial it up and down with intention.

Otherwise, you’re not owning the work.The work is owning you.