Humility vs. Self-Deprecation?

Eva Kutzler
Jul 15
3 min read

Updated: Jul 21

Know the difference before it costs you

There’s a thin—and often invisible—line between humility and self-deprecation. Most smart, high-performing people cross it without realizing. And then they wonder why their influence plateaus.

In leadership, humility is expected. Respected, even. But self-deprecation? That’s a liability disguised as likability. One keeps you grounded. The other keeps you small.

Let’s break it down.

How to Tell the Difference

Humility is the ability to own your competence without making it the main event. It’s not needing to dominate the room to know you belong in it.

Self-deprecation, on the other hand, is a reflexive minimization of your own capability. It’s “I just got lucky,” or “I probably don’t know what I’m talking about,” or the classic: “This might be dumb, but…”

Here’s the difference in plain terms:

Humility says: I did great work—and there’s still more to learn.
Self-deprecation says: I did great work—but let me pretend I didn’t, so you’re not uncomfortable.

One builds trust. The other builds doubt.

Why It Matters

Because language shapes perception—and perception shapes opportunity.

If you consistently underplay your ideas, your impact, or your expertise, people start to believe you. Not because they’re paying close attention, but because you trained them to.

Especially if you’re already operating from the margins (a woman in tech, a new leader, a founder raising capital), self-deprecation is the fastest way to erode credibility. It sounds cute. It reads insecure. Humility invites collaboration. Self-deprecation invites rescue.

What If You’re Doing It Without Realizing?

You are. Everyone does. But high-functioning people have a talent for dressing it up as “just being real.”

Here’s how it sneaks in:

Prefacing every idea with disclaimers
Laughing off your achievements
Apologizing for speaking up
Downplaying your expertise to be “relatable”

It’s a nervous system thing. A safety strategy. A way to preempt judgment or rejection. But the longer you use it, the more you reinforce a warped version of yourself.

And here’s the kicker: You end up being overlooked not because you weren’t ready—but because you made sure no one saw you clearly.

So What Should You Actually Do?

Practice humility. Drop the self-deprecation.

Here’s what that looks like:

Stop padding your statements with “just,” “kind of,” or “might be wrong but…”
Say thank you when someone compliments you. Period.
Present your results like you’re someone who got them on purpose—not by accident.
Let your work speak, but don’t muzzle yourself in the process.

Humility is quiet confidence. It says: I know who I am, and I don’t need to convince you. Self-deprecation is a mask for fear: If I make myself small, maybe no one will try to cut me down.